Tag: wife jokes

How to upgrade Boyfriend to Husband

A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy :-

Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from “Boyfriend 5.0” to “Husband 1.0” and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance. This is particularly in the “Flower” and “Jewellery” applications, which operated flawlessly under “Boyfriend 5.0”!

In addition, “Husband 1.0” uninstalled another
valuable program, “Romance 9.5”, and then installed undesirable programs such as “NEWS 5.0”, “MONEY 3.0” and “CRICKET 4.1”

What can I do?
Rgds
Xxxx


Reply :

Dear Madam,

First, keep in mind, “Boyfriend 5.0” is an Entertainment Package, while “Husband 1.0” is an Operating System.

Please enter command- “ithoughtyoulovedme.html” and try to download “Tears 6.2” , then only it will automatically run the applications “Jewellery 2.0” and “Flowers 3.5”.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause “Husband 1.0” to default to “Silence 2.5” , “Beer 6.1” or “Whisky 6.8”

Also DO NOT disturb the original package of “Husband 1.0” Otherwise new virus “Girlfriend 2.5” will automatically be downloaded into your system.
So please be careful!

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the “Boyfriend 5.0” program.
These are unsupported applications and will crash “Husband 1.0”

We also recommend: “Cooking 3.0”

Good Luck Madam !
Rgds
Xxxx

I’LL Alter Him..

A newly married Alan goes to meet Father George.

He greets the priest and says, ‘Father, I need to talk to you.’

The Priest asks, ‘Is it a confession, my son?’

Alan replies, ‘No, Father! I need to clarify something.’

The Priest takes Alan to his private chamber and says, ‘Tell me, Alan. What is it?’

Alan asks, ‘Father, why do the kindest of girls begin their quest to change men after marriage?’

The Priest smiles and replied,

‘Alan, my son; as the bride walks down the long aisle, her brain registers 3 stimulii.

The altar, the choir and the sound of the hymn being sung.

Aisle, altar, and hymn. She becomes mesmerized.

Aisle, altar, hymn. Aisle, altar, hymn. Aisle, altar, hymn.

And finally, as she stops beside the groom, she is already saying to herself
I’LL ALTER HIM.’😇

How to talk to different personnel

Text Jokes ,

How to TALK

Talk to Mother _lovingly,_
Talk to Father _respectfully,_
Talk to Brothers _heartfully,_
Talk to Sisters _affectionately,_
Talk to Children _enthusiastically,_
Talk to Relatives _empathetically,_
Talk to Friends _jovially,_
Talk to Officials _politely,_
Talk to Vendors _strictly,_
Talk to Customers _honestly,_
Talk to Workers _courteously,_
Talk to Politicians _carefully,_
Talk to GOD _silently,_

And Talk to WIFE _……

……………..

~no no~ ……wait….

…………………

Just KEEP QUIET & LISTEN ONLY…!!!😂

Relation between Chess and Wife

We can find some interesting similar situations in Chess and Real life. You’ll love to check the given two examples here that relates to Chess and Wife….

—————————————————————————-

Chess is the only game in the world, which reflects the status of the husband;

The poor king can take only one step at a time ….

While the mighty queen can do whatever she likes….

***************

What’s a real Checkmate?

You tell your wife “I saw a lady, looked exactly like you”.

And wife asks “WAS SHE GORGEOUS..??” now that’s Checkmate!

You can’t say ‘No’ and you can’t say ‘Yes’ ………

*****************

Priority matters

Text Jokes ,

Wife takes very ill husband to a Doctor.

Doctor advises to wife :
– Give him healthy breakfast daily
– Be pleasant & in good mood
– Cook tasty dinner
– Don’t discuss your problems with him
– Stop watching TV shows & Facebook and Whatsapp
– Don’t demand new jewels
If u can do this for one year, Your husband will be ok.

On the way to home, husband asked wife : What did Doctor say ?

Wife : *Oh.. Nothing…

…. No chance for survival !!*

Wives are so clever

A husband was sitting on a sofa, next to his wife, who was eating and typing on her phone.

Suddenly he heard his phone’s message tone coming from the kitchen from where he was charging it .

He went to the kitchen and read a message ……

“Please bring a glass of water on your way back.”

……. from his wife.

 

Be clear while asking to Wife

Text Jokes

ഭാര്യ ബദാം കഴിച്ച് കൊണ്ടിരിക്കുകയായിരുന്നു.

ഭർത്താവ് :- “എനിക്ക് ഒരെണ്ണം താ ടെയ്‌സ്റ്റ് നോക്കാൻ…”

ഭാര്യ ഒരെണ്ണം എടുത്തു കൊടുത്തു..

ഭർത്താവ് :- ഒരെണ്ണം മാത്രമോ?

……..

ഭാര്യ :- അതെ. ബാക്കിയെല്ലാത്തിന്റെയും ടെയ്സ്റ്റ് ഇതു തന്നെയാണ്..😜😂

You’ll never win if you play with wife

WIFE: Honey let’s play a game

HUSBAND: Okay. What’s the game about?

WIFE: If I mention a country, you run to the left side of the room and touch the wall & if I mention a bird, you run to the right side of the room and touch the wall. If you run to the wrong direction, you’ll give me all your salary for this month

HUSBAND: Okay! And if you fail in your turn, I’ll have your salary too right?

WIFE: (smiles) Yes darling!

HUSBAND: Okay (stands up ready to run in any direction)
Wife: are you ready

Husband: Yes ready

WIFE: TURKEY

Its been 4 HOURS NOW…
The husband is still standing at the spot wondering if she meant the Country or the bird 😀😀😝😝👊👊

Moral lesson… After God, Fear Women!😂😂😂