Category: Jokes

How to upgrade Boyfriend to Husband

A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy :-

Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from “Boyfriend 5.0” to “Husband 1.0” and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance. This is particularly in the “Flower” and “Jewellery” applications, which operated flawlessly under “Boyfriend 5.0”!

In addition, “Husband 1.0” uninstalled another
valuable program, “Romance 9.5”, and then installed undesirable programs such as “NEWS 5.0”, “MONEY 3.0” and “CRICKET 4.1”

What can I do?
Rgds
Xxxx


Reply :

Dear Madam,

First, keep in mind, “Boyfriend 5.0” is an Entertainment Package, while “Husband 1.0” is an Operating System.

Please enter command- “ithoughtyoulovedme.html” and try to download “Tears 6.2” , then only it will automatically run the applications “Jewellery 2.0” and “Flowers 3.5”.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause “Husband 1.0” to default to “Silence 2.5” , “Beer 6.1” or “Whisky 6.8”

Also DO NOT disturb the original package of “Husband 1.0” Otherwise new virus “Girlfriend 2.5” will automatically be downloaded into your system.
So please be careful!

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the “Boyfriend 5.0” program.
These are unsupported applications and will crash “Husband 1.0”

We also recommend: “Cooking 3.0”

Good Luck Madam !
Rgds
Xxxx

Judgement is easier…

Expert Comments!

After a morning walk, a group of doctors was standing at a road-side restaurant enjoying a cup of tea.

Then they saw a man limping towards them.

• One doctor said he has Arthritis in his Left Knee.

• The second said he has Plantar Faciitis

• The third said, just an Ankle Sprain.

• The fourth said, see that man cannot lift his knee, he looks to have Lower Motor Neurons.

• But to me he seems a Hemiplegia Scissors Gait, said the fifth.

° Before the sixth could proclaim his diagnosis… the man reached the group and asked,

Is there a cobbler nearby who can repair my slipper?”

This is exactly how the Experts talk on Social Media & Television these days..

Patience in listening is must

A politician went to a village for election campaigning.

He asked the villagers to mention two main problems in the village.

He promised them to solve those two main problems immediately.

The villagers informed him that one of their problems was lack of qualified medical doctors.

The politician quickly took out his cell phone and pretended to be making a call to the Health Department.

He then told them that their problem was solved at his insistence.

Feeling satisfied, he then asked them about their second problem.

They had a smile in their face …..

And they told him that…

They do not have any mobile network in their village…😂

I’LL Alter Him..

A newly married Alan goes to meet Father George.

He greets the priest and says, ‘Father, I need to talk to you.’

The Priest asks, ‘Is it a confession, my son?’

Alan replies, ‘No, Father! I need to clarify something.’

The Priest takes Alan to his private chamber and says, ‘Tell me, Alan. What is it?’

Alan asks, ‘Father, why do the kindest of girls begin their quest to change men after marriage?’

The Priest smiles and replied,

‘Alan, my son; as the bride walks down the long aisle, her brain registers 3 stimulii.

The altar, the choir and the sound of the hymn being sung.

Aisle, altar, and hymn. She becomes mesmerized.

Aisle, altar, hymn. Aisle, altar, hymn. Aisle, altar, hymn.

And finally, as she stops beside the groom, she is already saying to herself
I’LL ALTER HIM.’😇

How to talk to different personnel

Text Jokes ,

How to TALK

Talk to Mother _lovingly,_
Talk to Father _respectfully,_
Talk to Brothers _heartfully,_
Talk to Sisters _affectionately,_
Talk to Children _enthusiastically,_
Talk to Relatives _empathetically,_
Talk to Friends _jovially,_
Talk to Officials _politely,_
Talk to Vendors _strictly,_
Talk to Customers _honestly,_
Talk to Workers _courteously,_
Talk to Politicians _carefully,_
Talk to GOD _silently,_

And Talk to WIFE _……

……………..

~no no~ ……wait….

…………………

Just KEEP QUIET & LISTEN ONLY…!!!😂

Relation between Chess and Wife

We can find some interesting similar situations in Chess and Real life. You’ll love to check the given two examples here that relates to Chess and Wife….

—————————————————————————-

Chess is the only game in the world, which reflects the status of the husband;

The poor king can take only one step at a time ….

While the mighty queen can do whatever she likes….

***************

What’s a real Checkmate?

You tell your wife “I saw a lady, looked exactly like you”.

And wife asks “WAS SHE GORGEOUS..??” now that’s Checkmate!

You can’t say ‘No’ and you can’t say ‘Yes’ ………

*****************

Never loose the opportunity

A Manager, his Assistant, an old woman and her young daughter are traveling in a train and during the course of time get themselves introduced to each other and became temporary friends.

The train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark.

Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap.

The train comes out of the tunnel.

The women and the Assistant are sitting there looking perplexed.

The Manager is bending over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap.

All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.

The Old woman is thinking : “These Managers are all crazy after young girls. He must have kissed my daughter in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him.”

The Young girl is thinking : “The Manager must have tried to kiss me but kissed my mother instead and got slapped.”

The Manager is thinking : “Damn it. My Assistant must have kissed the young girl. She might have thought it was me and slapped me.”

Now guess what the Assistant is thinking.

The Assistant is thinking………..

“I hope this train goes through another tunnel soon… Then I will make another kissing sound and slap my Manager even harder. This Rascal keeps harassing me too much in the Office”.😂

Solutions to all your problems

Whenever you feel depressed in life….

open your E-Mail inbox including spam folders…

You can find:

1) 6 banks are giving easy loans….
2) 10/15 banks waiting to deliver your pre approval credit card….
3) you have won £ 10000000 and USD 500000 for unknown reasons….
4) 8-10 Job companies have best jobs for you…
5) 3 matrimonial sites have most suited matches for you…
6) Dr. Batra has claimed that he will cure your hair fall…
7) 5-6 universities are giving you degrees in random subjects….

And moreover,

8) Approx 20-25 mails from Riya, Priya, and Neha who are feeling lonely and want to meet you….

..What else more you want in life? …..😂