Tag: husband jokes

How to upgrade Boyfriend to Husband

A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy :-

Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from “Boyfriend 5.0” to “Husband 1.0” and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance. This is particularly in the “Flower” and “Jewellery” applications, which operated flawlessly under “Boyfriend 5.0”!

In addition, “Husband 1.0” uninstalled another
valuable program, “Romance 9.5”, and then installed undesirable programs such as “NEWS 5.0”, “MONEY 3.0” and “CRICKET 4.1”

What can I do?
Rgds
Xxxx


Reply :

Dear Madam,

First, keep in mind, “Boyfriend 5.0” is an Entertainment Package, while “Husband 1.0” is an Operating System.

Please enter command- “ithoughtyoulovedme.html” and try to download “Tears 6.2” , then only it will automatically run the applications “Jewellery 2.0” and “Flowers 3.5”.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause “Husband 1.0” to default to “Silence 2.5” , “Beer 6.1” or “Whisky 6.8”

Also DO NOT disturb the original package of “Husband 1.0” Otherwise new virus “Girlfriend 2.5” will automatically be downloaded into your system.
So please be careful!

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the “Boyfriend 5.0” program.
These are unsupported applications and will crash “Husband 1.0”

We also recommend: “Cooking 3.0”

Good Luck Madam !
Rgds
Xxxx

Priority matters

Text Jokes ,

Wife takes very ill husband to a Doctor.

Doctor advises to wife :
– Give him healthy breakfast daily
– Be pleasant & in good mood
– Cook tasty dinner
– Don’t discuss your problems with him
– Stop watching TV shows & Facebook and Whatsapp
– Don’t demand new jewels
If u can do this for one year, Your husband will be ok.

On the way to home, husband asked wife : What did Doctor say ?

Wife : *Oh.. Nothing…

…. No chance for survival !!*

Wives are so clever

A husband was sitting on a sofa, next to his wife, who was eating and typing on her phone.

Suddenly he heard his phone’s message tone coming from the kitchen from where he was charging it .

He went to the kitchen and read a message ……

“Please bring a glass of water on your way back.”

……. from his wife.

 

Never take some risks

Husband & Wife went to Jerusalem and the Wife died there.

Priest: “Sending her body home would cost you $10,000. But burial here, in this holy city, would cost just $100.”

Man: “I’ll take the body home.”

Priest: “Why the costly option? You must really love your wife a lot.”

Man: “Nothing like that Father. It’s just that Jesus was buried here and came alive on the 3rd day…

………..

Why should I take the risk!!” 😜😜😜

Are you a Star

ക്രിസ്മസിന് സ്റ്റാർ വാങ്ങണ്ടേ എന്ന്  ഭാര്യ ചോദിച്ചപ്പോൾ ഞാൻ പറഞ്ഞു.

“ഞാനുള്ളപ്പോൾ  ഈ വീട്ടിൽ എന്തിന് വേറൊരു സ്റ്റാറെ” ന്ന്.

അപ്പോത്തന്നെ ഒരു കെട്ട് കയറെടുത്ത് തന്നിട്ട് എന്നോട് പറഞ്ഞു

“എന്നാൽ ഈ കയർ കഴുത്തിൽ കെട്ടി വീടിനു മുമ്പിൽ   തൂങ്ങിക്കൊള്ളാൻ”

പിന്നെ ഞാൻ ഒന്നുമിണ്ടതെ കടയിൽ പോയി ഒരു സ്റ്റാർ വാങ്ങി വീട്ടിൽ തൂക്കി……….

എന്താല്ലേ ഭാര്യമാരൊക്കെ മാറിപ്പോയി……

You liked beauty or behavior of wife

A Casual Husband and Wife Chat

ഭാര്യ : “എന്നെപ്പോലെ ഇത്രയും നല്ല സ്വഭാവമുള്ള ഒരു ഭാര്യയെ കിട്ടിയതാണ് നിങ്ങടെ ഏറ്റവും വലിയ ഭാഗ്യം”..

ഭർത്താവ് : “ങ്ഹും”..

ഭാര്യ : “ഈ പ്രായത്തിലും എന്റെയത്ര സൗന്ദര്യമുള്ള ഏത് പെണ്ണാണ് നിങ്ങടെ കുടുംബത്തിലുള്ളത്”..

ഭർത്താവ് : “ങ്ഹും”..

ഭാര്യ : “ഒരു കാര്യം ചോദിച്ചാൽ.. സത്യം പറയണം.. നിങ്ങൾക്കെന്റെ സൗന്ദര്യമാണോ.. സ്വഭാവമാണോ കൂടുതൽ ഇഷ്ടം ?”..

……………

ഭർത്താവ് : “എനിക്ക്.. നിന്റെ ഇതുപോലുള്ള കോമഡികളാണ് ഏറെ ഇഷ്ടം”..

Why bring the bachelor friend to home

A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work.

His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens in.

“My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I’m still in my pajamas and I can’t be bothered with cooking tonight ! Why the hell did you bring him home for?”

…………

Husband answers “Because he’s thinking of getting married”
????

A charity act

A charity act

Wife: “I have a bag full of used clothing I’d like to donate”.

Husband: “Why not just throw it in the trash? That’s much easier”.

Wife: “But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes”.

Husband: “Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving”.

……………

Husband is recovering from a head injury now 😂😂