Tag: company jokes

A corporate story: Parrots

Corporate story…..

Once a man goes to a shop to buy parrot. He asks the shop owner price of the Parrot:

Shop owner: RS. 500

Customer: Why so costly?

Shop owner: He knows Word, Excel and Power Point

Customer: What’s the price of this second Parrot?

Shop owner: RS. 1000 as it knows Word, Excel, Power Point and also Programming

Customer: how nice, and what’s the price of this parrot which is sleeping?

Shop owner: That’s for RS. 5000 Customer: And what does it know?

Shop owner: That I don’t know, I haven’t seen him do anything, but the other two parrots call him Boss.

Company secret language explained

*The language of Boss!!*

“We will do it.”,

means

” You will do it.”

“You have done a great job.”,

means

“More work will be given to you.”

“We are working on it.”,

means

“We have not yet started working on the same.”

“Tomorrow first thing in the morning . . .”,

means

“Its not getting done. At least not tomorrow !”.

“After discussion we will decide. I am very open to views.”,

means

“I have already decided. I will tell you what to do”

“There was a slight mis communication.”,

means

“We had actually lied.”

“We are on the right track, but there needs to be a fine-tuning of the deadline.”,

means

“The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time.”

“We had slight difference of opinion,”,

means

“We had actually fought.”

“We need to find out the real reason.”,

means

“Well, I will tell you where your fault is.”

“We are a team.”,

means

“I am not the only one to be blamed.”

“That’s, actually, a good question.”,

means

“I do not know anything about it.”

“All the Best!”,

means

“You are in trouble!”

.😜😜😜😜

Definition of managers in simple terms make you laugh

*Project Manager* is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.

*Procurement manager* is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.

*Operations Head* is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month if works harder.

*Marketing Manager* is a person who convinces anyone that he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

*Financial Budget*Team thinks they don’t need a man or woman; they’ll produce a child with zero resources.

* Planning Team* thinks they don’t care whether the child is delivered, they’ll just document 9 months.

*Quality Auditor* is the person who is never happy with a delivered baby.

*HR Manager* is a person who thinks that… a Donkey can deliver a Human Baby – if given 9 Months.

*Customer*is the one who doesn’t know why he wants a baby….!!!!!

…….for all corporate guys

An Engineer and Top Management

Text Jokes

A woman in hot air balloon realized she is lost…

She reduced altitude & shouted to a man below: Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend to meet him an hour ago but I don’t know where I am.

Man below replied: You are in hot air balloon 30 feet above the ground. You are at 41 degree North latitude & 59 degree West longitude.

Lady: You must be an engineer.

Man: How do you know?

Lady: Everything you told me is technically correct but useless & the fact is I’m still lost.

Engineer: You must be in Top Management.

Lady: Ya. How do you know?

Engineer: You don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep & you expect people beneath you to solve your problems..!!
???????
A must read n circulate for all working professionals.

When to know importance of attachment

A very emotional quote !!

Attachment is not when two people chat day & night …

Attachment is not when two people can’t live without each other …

Attachment is not when two people can’t stay away from each other for a moment …

But when the HR sends an email to you with subject as ‘Increment letter’ and the attached file is missing …

That’s when you realize the true meaning of Attachment … !! ???

How to recruit the right person for the job!

Text Jokes

Put about 100 bricks in some Particular order in a closed Room with an Open window.

Then send 2 or 3 candidates into the room and close the door.

Leave them alone and come back….
After 6 hours and then analyse The situation..

If they are counting the Bricks…..
Put them in the Accounts Department.

If they are recounting them……
Put them in Auditing ..

If they have messed up the Whole place with the bricks……
Put them in Engineering.

If they are arranging the Bricks in some strange order……
Put them in Planning.

If they are throwing the Bricks at each other……
Put them in Operations.

If they are sleeping…..
Put them in Security.

If they have broken the bricks Into pieces……
Put them in Information Technology.

If they are sitting idle…..
Put them in Human Resources.

If they say they have tried  combinations, yet Not a brick has Been moved,…..
Put them in Sales.

If they have already left for The day……
Put them in Marketing.

If they are staring out of the Window……
Put them on Strategic Planning.

And then the last but not least….

If they are talking to each Other…. and not a single brick Has been Moved.
Then….

 
Congratulate them and put them in
Top Management!!!