Marriage is the special logic device that gives these interesting outputs according to the different input conditions.
Posts by Jokes Team:
Once a man goes to a shop to buy parrot. He asks the shop owner price of the Parrot:
Shop owner: RS. 500
Customer: Why so costly?
Shop owner: He knows Word, Excel and Power Point
Customer: What’s the price of this second Parrot?
Shop owner: RS. 1000 as it knows Word, Excel, Power Point and also Programming
Customer: how nice, and what’s the price of this parrot which is sleeping?
Shop owner: That’s for RS. 5000 Customer: And what does it know?
Shop owner: That I don’t know, I haven’t seen him do anything, but the other two parrots call him Boss.
When I started using pen in my school days, and I made a mistake, I would try hard to erase it before submitting to my teacher.
Sometimes, I use chalk to clean my mistake but it later re-appeared.
So I began to use saliva, it worked, but only to leave holes in my books.
My teachers then used to beat me for being outrageously dirty. But all I tried to do was to cover my error.
One day, a kind hearted teacher who loved me so much called me aside and she said, ” Anytime you make a mistake, just cross it and move on” .
She said further ” Trying to erase your mistakes would only damage your book to nothing.
I told her in protest that I don’t want people to see my mistake.
My loving teacher laughed and said ” Trying to erase your mistake will make more people know about your mess and the stigma is for life”.
Have you made some mistakes in life? Cross it over and move on.
Don’t expose yourself as a result of trying to cover your mistakes.
Better things are ahead of you…..
Strike out your 2018 mistakes and move into 2019 with a fresh note……
Say bye bye 2018 and welcome 2019…..
DON’T VISIT VERY RICH RELATIVES OR FRIENDS
I went to see a friend from a very rich family. The maid approached me and asked.
MAID: What would you like to have, fruit juice, yoghurt, tea, chocolate, cappuccino , frapuccino or coffee?
ME: Tea please.
MAID: Thanks. Which one you prefer, Ceylon Tea, Indian Tea, Herbal Tea, Kericho Gold Tea, Bush Tea or Green Tea?
ME: Ceylon Tea please.
MAID: How do you want it, black or white?
MAID: Milk or fresh cream?
ME: With milk.
MAID: Goat milk or cow milk?
ME: Cow’s milk.
MAID: Freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow?
ME: Uhm, lemme go with the freezeland cow.
MAID: Would you like it with sweetner, sugar or honey?
MAID: Bee sugar or cane sugar?
ME: Cane sugar
MAID: White, brown or yellow sugar?
ME: OMG! forget about the tea, just give me a glass of water…
MAID: Mineral, tap or distilled water?
ME: Mineral water.
MAID: Flavored or non flavored?
ME: Leave it. Infact, get me an empty glass!
MAID:Do you want a tumbler, wine glass, champagne flute or a beer mug?
ME: Free me, I am ok as it is…”
Send to αll your friends to put a smile on their faces…… Don’t spoil the fun.
Calling the brilliant minds in the group to solve this.
It is claimed that hardly 2% students could solve this:
January = 1017
February = 628
June = 1064
July = 1074
August = 186
September = ?
… Got answer?
Else check below..
Alphabetic position of first letter, Month number, Number of alphabets
Students went to an Engineering Viva Exam.
The first guy goes into the class, and the professor begins the Viva with a question…
“Let’s say you are traveling by train and its getting hot. What will you do?”
“Open the window”… he answers.
“Very good”…the professor continues..
“Now…The window has a surface of 1.5 m2″… and
“The compartment has a volume of 12 m3″… and
“The train speeds 80 kph to the west”…
“The south wind is blowing at 5 mps”…
“How quickly will the space be refreshed?”
The student does not know the answer and fails the exam.
He gets out and tells the other students the question.
The second student goes in, and the professor begins with the question…
“Lets say you are traveling by train and it’s getting hot. What will you do?”
“Sir, I’ll take off my coat”… answers the student.
“But It’s very hot!”…Continues the professor.
“Then I’ll Take off my shirt and my baniyan also.”…. Student
“But It’s damn hot!”…The professor adamantly insists.
“Then I’ll take off my pants and socks, Sir.” ….. Student
“But You can’t sit naked in the train!!!! They will report you to the police”… said the angry professor.
The student confidently answers…
“Sir, whatever happens, I am not going to open that window!” 😬😂
The CEO of a large multinational company fell ill on a day when he had tickets to see a grand concert.
As a gesture of kindness, he gave the tickets to the company’s Efficiency Expert to enjoy the concert with his wife.
Next morning, the CEO was surprised to find a report on his table, written by their Efficiency Expert and this is what it said:
Thank you for sending me to the concert last evening with my wife. My observations are as follows:
The highlight of the evening was Schubert’s unfinished symphony. Although personally I think unfinished works should be disqualified, I did watch the performance and here are some, but not all, of the malfunctions I found:
1. The most obvious problem was that they had 22 violinists playing the exact same tune. Such reckless waste! I believe that at least 21 of them should be fired.
2. The drummer was doing nothing for long stretches of time. I would suggest he be put on a different clock, so we can keep an eye on him and only pay him when he actually does any work.
3. Many of the musical segments kept repeating themselves, and I fail to understand the point of having the flutes play the same segment as the oboes. If we can cut down on these repetitions, we can finish the symphony in 20 minutes instead of 2 hours.
4. Regarding the equipment: I noticed a horrible lack of standardization when it comes to musical instruments, and especially when it comes to string instruments. I’ve seen small ones, big ones, one you hold under your chin and some you hold between your legs. I think that one size for all these instruments will save time, money and confusion, as well as make maintenance easier.
5. The conductor, the most senior employee, did not play as much as a single tune the entire concert, and showed a complete lack of respect to the customers, while standing with his back (his back!) to the audience. There were even a few times he was threatening his staff with a stick, which should never be allowed. I would suspend him with no pay until we can get to the bottom of this. Psychological counselling may be advised.
To summarize: I am quite sure that if Mr. Schubert had avoided these issues, he would have managed to finish his work, instead of leaving us with an unfinished symphony!
Corporate Efficiency Enhance Expert…!!!😜